2.05.2013

A Really Really Dumb Idea

When Jason and I moved into our apartment, we stole a bottle of Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider from his parent’s house to celebrate our new place. But in the chaos of moving in, a couple of weeks passed, and we still hadn’t opened it. We had been trying for a few months so we decided to just save it for when we got pregnant. Rookie mistake. 

A few more months went by, and I realized something was wrong. I had always been very irregular. And I recalled that when I was 14, a doctor mentioned that it was likely that I didn’t actually ovulate. I went in for some tests and was diagnosed with PCOS. This is pretty common, and I was assured that 1 to 3 months on some fertility drugs would address the issues. After a handful of cycles on Letrozole and Metformin, we switched to Clomid. And after a handful of cycles on that, it was obvious to my doctor that the drugs weren’t working. Nothing could get me to ovulate. He suggested that it would be best to abandon pills all together and move on to injections. And thus began my very serious relationship with needles. Needles in the morning. Needles at night. Needles in my stomach. Needles in my arms. Me and the needles, we became close. 

And all the while, every time I opened that refrigerator of mine I would see that dumb Martinelli’s bottle staring back at me. And so far, I have resisted the urge to just toss it in the trash. Throwing it away would be to admit defeat. And to give up hope. And I refuse to be bested by that bottle! Anyway, the point of all of this rambling is just to pass on a simple warning. If you are trying to get pregnant, or holding out hope for anything really, do not save inanimate objects to mark that occasion because it will basically ensure that whatever you are waiting for will never ever happen. Or it will simply taunt you until it does. And if you do happen to be as stupid or masochistic as I am, stay strong and hold your ground. And show that bottle or whateveritisyouarehangingonto who is boss. 

One of these days Martinelli’s, you’re going to get what’s coming.

23 comments:

  1. I hope you get to crack open that bottle soon, girl!

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  2. Praying for you and your hubby! When the time does come, that Martinelli's will have never tasted so good :)

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  3. Praying for you guys. I so know the wanting of a baby!

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  4. Thanks for sharing your story, I'll be praying for you too. My husband and I have been trying for 18 months now and I was recently diagnosed with PCOS too. It's sad to have others going through it too, but it's nice to have people to lean on who know what you're feeling, too. Hang in there girl, those martinelli's will taste amazing when you get to drink them! My favorite quote that helps me in all this is "faith in The Lord includes faith in his timing."

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  5. I needed to hear this today! Thank you for sharing and praying for you guys!
    XO
    E

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  6. Zing, Martinelli's bottle, zing. Keep your spirits up, it will happen- baby having can be done in all kinds of ways!

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  7. Chiming in with more positive thoughts coming your way! Hope you get to open it soon!

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  8. i hear ya. i keep planning races and trips and whatnot deciding i'd rather eat the money then be not pregnant still and not take part. so far i've yet to eat the money. it's my anti-martinelli's.

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  9. And when the day arrives and the future of mankind is happily brewing in your belly, you and Jason can guzzle the Martinelli's like it's going out of style. Then for good measure, when you're done, break the bottle against the counter gangsta style and go after the needles.

    Stabba stabba.

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  10. Love you lady! Kick that bottle in it's ASK

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  11. I feel ya! I'm in the same boat. We've been trying for over a year and a half and nada. It's frustrating and disappointing, but I still believe we'll have another baby. The timing just isn't up to us. Stay hopeful!

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  12. How wonderful to read such an honest post! I appreciate you sharing this part of your life with us. I wish more women would be open about their fertility challenges so it wouldn't feel like such an isolating experience. I wish you all the best, dear!

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  13. Oh gosh! Needles are awful, I'm sorry you have to go through that. But way to keep that bottle--the perfect celebration for when you are finally drinking for two :)

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  14. As someone who has never dreamed of having my own children, these struggles are incredibly foreign to me. But, now that I'm getting older and my friends are beginning to have children or they're trying, I'm realizing how hard it can be on a couple and on a woman when it just doesn't happen. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. My advice is to tuck that bottle in the back of the fridge so you don't have to look at it every day. It's not fair to you to feel defeated every time you see it.

    Stay strong, lady!

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  15. My heart aches for you! My best friend is in a similar sitaution. She doesn't have PCOS, but she has been tested to see if there are any reproductive problems and her husband has too. Nothing. There is noting wrong with either of them. They have been trying for almost 4 years now and nothing. Her father in law is even a doctor. They have no clue why she still isn't pregnant. She has good days and bad days. It is really hurtful when family members rub it in her face that they are pregnant. Her name is Lyndsay from www.theallmylove.blogspot.com if you want to check her blog out or even talk to her. She is a wonderful, understanding person. Anywho, I am a new follower from the blog hop. Hope you follow back :) I hope to read soon you are expecting!

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  16. Yes, show that bottle who'e the boss! Please invite us over when you are ready to open it. Praying for you...

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  17. You are my favorite! You have so many prayers flowing in your direction. You and J are way too cute with kids to not get one really really soon! Love you guys!

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  18. I love your honesty. I really do.

    I think you should just drink it on Valentine's Day and then buy another one when it's time to celebrate the pregnancy. But my opinion doesn't matter, now does it? :) I'll be thinking and praying for you guys. It'll happen!

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  19. I hope you're opening that bottle of Martinelli's much sooner than later girl!! Found you via the Aloha Friday Blog hop
    xoxo,
    Nikki at www.bedazzlesafterdark.com

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  20. Thank you so MUCH for your honesty! My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost a year now...no luck yet, but it's nice to know there are other people out there!

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  21. eesh i hate needles too....give me panic attacks!!
    New follower from the GFC blog hop..do pop over and hello xx
    http://toxylicious.blogspot.com

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  22. You brave little poppet putting this, so wonderfully written, declaration out there. We tried for a long time to get pregnant but I was too scared to tell anyone for fear of the pitying stare, especially because of my age. I didn't even dare dream it would happen and then one day I was like, "NO....I can do this" and I wrote it down in my little book as a new year resolution last year....et voila....pregnant within the month...HA, nothing like asking for it. It was a long hard slog, I was on Clomid but it did happen, dreams do come true petal....believe, believe, believe xxxx

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  23. I'm so glad that I found your blog. I hope all those injections were made worth your while. I'm on my second round of clomid and ugh. the horror. the horror.

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