ghosts of summers past

dear summer friends,
first of all. how are you?! i miss you guys. hope the winter has been treating you well, whether you are on the west or east coast or still nestled in the mountains of provo. let's cut to the chase. guess what my aunt [ahnt] gave me for christmas {which i did not ask for or even say that i loved}

remember how much we loved this game? and played it for a month straight? and luke even blogged about it.
so now i have the comfort of this game while i mourn the loss of our friendship.

miss you guys!
- rebecca


technically a muscle can't break, just get crushed, so you should call it heart crushed

just spent the eve of christmas eve relaxing in the hot tub, watching for shooting stars, and talking with my dad about life. (yeah, had that reversed. thanks linds. it was really really late, or early in the morning when i wrote this)

we never would have had nights like these in connecticut. as much as i loved growing up on the east coast, i sure love coming home from school to california. for some reason it doesn't feel quite like christmas, and no it's not the lack of white fluffy stuff. i don't miss that one bit. i think it's the lack of christmas music i've listened to since i've been home.  tomorrow will be completely devoted to all our old christmas albums and old christmas home videos. man, i love that tradition. i also love the new tradition of my dad making his very own white fluffy stuff, that's right, homemade marshmallows! yum! dipped in homemade fudge, lovingly made by my darling mother. quite the pair those two are. quite the pair. speaking of which, my sister was going through this old album today my mom put together compiling all the letters and notes sent by my parents to one another while my mother was away at school during their courtship. so mushy. so precious. but still, reeeeaaallllly mushy.
so as they say, "cyk"


end of the year resolution

eat whatever you want during the holidays. worry about it in january.

ever since i gained the dreaded freshman 15 a few years back, i got all wary when i thought i was eating too many treats. and my roommates will be the first to tell you that i love treats. which is easier to manage at school when i'm the one baking and cooking. but at home there is food aplenty.
and why eat real food when i have maple cookies, peanut butter cup bites, and chocolate chip cookies to choose from.

i'll be better tomorrow. i promise.

in other news.. i know my blog has been lame-o lately. i'm happy and not at all busy [or doing anything for that matter] -a bad combination for good blog material. but on a brighter note, my journaling has improved immensely since i started blogging. my journals (neglected as they were) tended to be a boring log of the day (or past couple months) with no personality and blogging has helped me come out of my shell in my little journal world.
my roommate claire is a fabulous journal writer. her posterity is one lucky bunch.


did you know that

i have quite an extensive thimble collection.
have since i was a wee little girl.



a hardy boy is my kind of man

remember when i mentioned this little gem that i love. well that wonderfully amazing boythatilike went and got it for me for christmas.


madcow madhatter madden

i should be studying for my 1ne and only final exam. instead i'm reading blogs. whoopsie.

i also happen to have a terrible habit of getting bored of studying and just going to take the test. i'm am very very tempted to not even start studying and just go take the test. probably wouldn't bode well seeing as i never went to this class. hmm. what a predicament i have found myself in. 



boxcar children are at it again

saw invictus last night with jason aka that one boythatilike
one of the best movies i've seen in awhile.
great inspiration, great story, great acting. 


so sorry schoolkids

finals week? what's that? i'll tell you what it is for me..

2 client presentations
1 cancelled paper
1 "final" exam for a class i didn't go to at all for the whole last third of the semester

no stress. no studying. no work. (i don't call it work because getting together with a group of people you like to talk about how you are going to present the information and ideas you already have... does that sound like work to you?)

man, i love advertising.
it's either a deluge or a drought.
hello drought.


state the obvious

it has been snowing for 3 days now.

it was pretty when jason walked me home last night.

it was not as pretty when i had to drive to work this morning.

luckily a very friendly lad was out in our parking lot going from car to car as people left for work and school, helping them brush off snow and scrape off ice. your kindness did not go unnoticed sir. thanks for you help this morning!



pst.. i have to tell you a secret

sometimes when i'm in the car, and owl city comes on the radio, i don't immediately change the station... sometimes i even sing along.

i am consistently inconsistent.


oh wow, we even have game day signs

it was very close, but we did not win campus finals last night.  3 of our other classmates did a really amazing job. i don't feel like we were robbed at all.  we still did really well and i think we impressed some people and definitely had a memorable presentation, product, and campaign and i'm proud of all of our work.

(not the winners... ouch. claire, no pictures please)


copycat.. yet totally original

(team rad fab)

man i went quite awhile without even mentioning the l'oreal brandstorm competition.  well folks. here is it. the day has arrived. byu campus finals are tonight!!! and i am so excited and ready to present.  team, i love you girls! i couldn't have asked for any better two people to spend the entire past month with.  win or lose, i'm very proud of every thing we've accomplished!! roommates, thanks for letting my team and i take over our apartment like every single night for our extremely long meetings.  i'm ready to start being able to actually spend time with you, and not bore you to death with our brandstorm details. jason, date night friday? or thursday? or wednesday? cause guess what! i won't have any meetings!

wish us luck!


the same shot, in a different light

"The divine love of God turns ordinary acts into extraordinary service. Divine love is the motive that transports simple words into sacred scripture. Divine love is the factor that transforms reluctant compliance with God’s commandments into blessed dedication and consecration.
Love is the guiding light that illuminates {my} path and fills [my] daily walk with life, meaning, and wonder.
Love is the measure of our faith, the inspiration for our obedience, and the true altitude of our discipleship.
Love is the way of the disciple."


everybody everybody everybody

(daily dose of imagery)
i was pondering love the other night.  ok not love.. more like the way we use the word. either you love someone, or you are in love with someone.  through out our lives we love lots and lots of people. our parents, our siblings, our grandma, our roommates, our best friends, or close friends.  sometimes even strangers on the street.  we feel love for these people.  that’s the key word. FOR. however, when you are in love with someone, that’s a whole different ball game.  we are in love with a lot less people than we love. having love with someone- that’s something shared, something felt only when two people are feeling it burning between them. its funny that this one very powerful word really means two very different things. 

(posted from the skies)


Internation Barbie Dison Day

in my family, the day after thanksgiving is not national shop-your-face-off-day, but rather, has always been, and always will be international barbie dison day.  my father invented this holiday back when my parents were just dating, and this day has been observed ever since.  my dad wrote a story about the creation of this holiday and you can read it here!

i mean, come on, who doesn't want a guy they're dating to invent a holiday for them.

so to celebrate this joyous day, we made cookies and lit a fire. woo!


introducing the brand new "cursing barbie"

(visit to apple hill)
here are some funny swearwords my mother said today:

"tough tooty"  "heaven tuberculosis"  "dang burger dude"



so i cut back on my hours at work with all that has been going on lately, but i picked up a morning shift today to cover for someone who was headed out of town, which means that i actually had time to catch up on all the posts sitting in my google reader... everso patiently waiting. it was a wonderful distraction since i'm antsy to get home and get packed and head up to salt late and do some funtivites before my plane takes off to whisk me home for the giving of thanks.  so within this little generic paragraph there are actually some things referenced worth enhancing..

speaking of funtivities, i will be with a certain boy. and speaking of that certain boy, the other day i picked up my phone, and his name had been changed..  in my phone, it now reads boythatilike. perfect.

speaking of work, it's been rough on the funds cutting back on the hours, but with the l'oreal brandstorm competition (if you don't know what i'm referring to, see every other post from this month) things have been a lot more manageable without a set work schedule.  speaking of brandstorm, work, and lack of funds, ashley and i were leaving a meeting at danielle's last week (those are my brandstorm teammates) and ash and i were greeted by 2 happy little boots on our front left tires. it was 10:28 pm.  what apartment parking lot boots at 10?! seriously. so i called the number to get the cars unbooted and the guy was really nice and all but as i was pressing the end button on my phone i called him an "a-hole." ...and he heard it. and he was training a little newbie booter so i was on speaker phone and the newbie heard me too. and when they showed up they thought it was funny, and said i "made their night." oh well i'm so glad i could be of service booterman and booternewbie.  anyways, i apologized for calling them "a-holes."  so classless and unladylike of me but i was a wee bit frustrated.  wait a minute, my borderline vulgarity has nothing to do with brandstorm, work, and lack of funds.  anywho, i paid this nice man $65 to kindly remove my boot (which he put on my car in the first place. what a crime).  they should have clear "bad guys," who boot you and are rude, and then different and clear "good guys," who come and save you and unboot you and have nothing to do with the initial boot so that it doesn't hurt so much when they swipe your card. sheesh.  point of the story: (brandstorm meeting x boot) + lack of funds - work hours = need to cover more shifts.

last but surely not least, speaking of being home bound... i am so excited to see my sister! my mom! my dad! and parker the dog!


my apologies

i'm sorry i'm sorry. my posting has really been pretty subpar as of late.  to be honest, i don't spend alllll my time working on brandstorm and school work.  i actually spend a decent amount of time with a boy. the first boy worth mentioning since... well, you know. and i think i'll leave it at that for now.

i was thinking about my life the other day and where i am right now, as opposed to a year ago.  i have so many things right now that i had given up.  it was my choice.  i chose that life. and i was content with that choice. but i am so very happy to have these wonderful things back in my life.  amazing roommates and friends, being at byu, studying something i love learning about, being surrounded by others who share my religious beliefs.  i gave this all up.  i didn't know if i would ever come back to byu, if i'd ever see my girlfriends again, if things would ever feel completely normal. but i look at my life now. i wouldn't change the journey i took to where i am now. but i'm happy to be here.  i feel like i'm in such a good place.  i'm busy, i'm learning, i'm figuring out how much i am capable of, i'm at peace.

so in lue of the upcoming holiday-
thank you roommates
thank you friends
thank you parents
thank you sister
thank you brothers and wives
thank you gospel
thank you byu
thank you l'oreal brandstorm
thank you teammates
thank you boythatilike

and thanks to you, for reading my rants, happy moments, concerns, pet peeves, memories, and more rants. it's fun. and therapeutic. and let's be honest. who doesn't love to talk about themselves. sheesh... get over yourself rebecca. and what's with the name anyway. every other blog has a cute little title. so self centered. yeah, i'll explain that one of these days. explain is a loose term. maybe i'll tell a little story..


treading water, egg beater style

guys. i'm still breathing. and i haven't drowned just yet, but this deluge of work for the brandstorm competition and all of my other classes has consumed my life. i have no more "me" time, and if i take any i feel guilty. win or lose, december second will be a good day.


during my 16 minute break from school work today

i pause to bring you a slightly old but brilliant video. yes, we all know lady gaga is a wiggity wack job. and her music videos are bizarre-o. however, i'll be the first to admit that i LOOVE  dancing to her songs. my recent fav is bad romance. although she's a nut and may sing songs that aren't your style (yeah, i'm talking to you dad), i think you all can appreciate this-  enjoy ma loves.


insert forest tree-dwelling indigenous girl cry here

i have a moment. 9 minutes to be exact.
first of all, i am very very very [times infinity] excited to announce that my team and i that experienced this fiasco and turned in our 10 page document was one of the five teams chosen to go to the campus finals for the l'oreal brandstorm competition. remember when i told you there was a school work monster stomping through my life and i thought he would only be there a week.. well that week turned into two weeks and as of today, bigfoot/godzilla/bearclawed-whale-on-a-pogostick-man will remain here for 3 more weeks seeing as that is when campus finals are.  from there, the winner will go to nationals.  but we're taking baby steps right now.  so needless to say, i am always doing, planning on doing, or thinking about school work (for example, right now i need to read a chapter and answer some questions for a class i'm skipping tomorrow morning to go a present a creative brief for another class, my wheels are spinning constantly for brandstorm, and i need to do some research for a new client we are working with for a different class). but i have found something i am passionate about so it's all good. however, it has made it difficult to play and sing and write music on a regular basis, but today after class i found a nice little room on campus with a beautifully tuned grand piano and i had some me time. until some boy peeked his head in and said they were holding a review session in the next room and then i got all embarrassed that they could here me and apologized and politely packed up my things and snuck away hoping their door was closed so they couldn't see me sheepishly walk by.  it also doesn't leave much time for a social life- if ya know what i mean ;) - but so far it's been good.

vague what?

whoops, 3 minutes over. oh well, linds already left without me. so i'll just go now.


harses harses harses harses

merry-go-rounds were alot more fun when i was a kid. don't get me wrong, my sister and i still ride on them; however, half the fun of a merry-go-round was waving and yelling to my parents everytime i came around the corner. "hey mom, look at me! i'm sitting on an unrealistic looking plastic horse. it's pink with a blue tale. we really going fast and far. up and down and around and around, and every time i come around the bend i'm gonna yell at you and wave, and you're gonna wave back, even though you've waved back 3 times already and i know you're not going anywhere and will still be there the next time i come around. and you'll take pictures and smile." see that was key, being in front of the camera. that made everything more fun! and this spectacle just doesn't work as well when you are 21 and your little sister is 16.  you just can't get away with the yelling, cheering, waving, bouncing up and down excitedly..  also, it doesn't help when your mom ISN'T EVEN THERE WATCHING YOU! where is mom? oh yeah. on california screamin. for the 4th time. which is why we are on the merry-go-round in the first place. that and its bathroom break for all you weak bladdered people. priorities people, priorites.

note: the story referenced is not timely at all, and actually occured on this trip

speaking of which (merry-go-rounds- not roller coaster mom's or urological needs), i really want this necklace featured on daydreamlily. it's handmade by jesophi. oh love.

also speaking of merry-go-rounds, i saw the creepiest merry-go-round the other day when i went and saw the play, "something wicked this way comes."  well, half of the play..


the hawk has flown, my brain is blown

so i passed up on going to see kid sister in concert last night because i had a huuuuge paper due today.  oh wait. today is thursday? paper is due friday....    crap.

right now i'm obsessed with the song bearing these lines:
these streets will make you feel brand new,
big lights will inspire you

oh hey provo, who are you and what have you done with the weather?!  whatever you did... keep doing it.

i'm still in the thick of a lot of work. but because my brain already turned to mush with working on the project that was due on monday (see below) i'm having a hard time keeping track of what exactly needs to be done. which is great. cause it keeps me stress free.  and like the old adage always says, stress free is the way to be..  right? no? is that not it? see. mush.

p.s. life is so good right now.


golly gee mister, what a pickle, well shucks.

this is what i was saying in my head last night as the 11:59 deadline came and went, and my team and i were still trying to send in our pre-case for a very important competition that we have poured hours, days, and lifetimes into.  but to no avail, no reformatting, no smaller sections, no different email services found success.  all in all, it was a terrible start to the first week of school. -up until this point i have felt like i have been slacking on school work... i wasn't slacking. really it's just that there wasn't much to be done. the work was there. lurking in the shadows. growing bigger, gathering more little schoolwork urchins creating a big scary behemoth schoolwork monster.  and he is stomping through my life this week- so anyways, i'm staying fairly calm about it all.  there are worse things in life right? plus, i'm hoping the good people receiving our massive, beautiful document will still accept it, and i will find time to study for an exam, and be inspired when writing up a creative brief with another team for another client, and have better success when creating a media plan and pretty book for the document we attempted to submit last night, and not die of law over-kill when reviewing the facts of a copyright/fair use case. have i mentioned that i love advertising? cause i do. 

(daily does of imagery)


claire has said two really funny things recently i would write right here if they both didn't have to do with a lack of clothing

the last time i dressed up for halloween or even a halloween party was when i was in middle school. middle school.  people, it's been like 10 years. ok almost 10 years. ok 8 years. since 8th grade, i have always had a big assignment due the very next day or am uninterested in the parties or busy or whatnot. but i've decided it's time to make some changes in my life, so this year i will be wearing not one, but two costumes. one for tomorrow (i was reprimanded by my supervisor slash lindsay when i told her i would not be dressing up for the work party tomorrow) and one for halloween. and guess what guys, i'm excited!!!


we sit in complete silence and feel closer than ever before

three word thoughts:
people have issues
this is confusing
miss my family
school is hard
he is nice
church is goods
advertising is joy
roommates are bests
i am happy

(daily dose of imagery)


liberry wid lindsayloo

last night i went to the library with lindsay.  it was the first time i did homework at night in the library in over two years.  it was good-ish.. i think i was productive. sorta. maybe i'll try it again sometime. but the section we were in down on the second floor was playing music. and it wasn't the kind of music they play in that special room in the testing center, where its gentle and soft classical music.  this was like "classical music goes to the circus and the clowns gave the volume laughing gas." this may or may not be an exaggerated metaphor.

oh and these books are the new penguin hardcover classics. and i want the whole collection. not only because the covers are fabulously creamy, but also because i love classic literature. particularly "a tale of two cities." favorite book ever. read it. really. do it. do it. tomorrow. or today. you little over achiever you.


a friend

reason's i love nikki's blog, have joy: she is honest, she is funny, she has been through some hard things that i can kinda sorta relate to, she is giving away something absolutely delicious looking and i could really use some chocolate right about now, oh and she's funny. chchcheck her out!


so breathe out, take it in and for now...

dear october 25th,
a year ago, you were the happiest day of my life,
today i'm left feeling confused, hurt, and a little out of sorts.
i tell myself to get a grip,
i'm supposed to be strong, be resilient,
but today... today thats hard.
you were supposed to be the one date
for the rest of my life
to celebrate
to smile as i remembered.
but now,
you are a reminder
of the loss,
of the pain,
but tomorrow will be the 26th,
and i will be strong,
and take another step forward.
away from you,
away from him,
and towards something bigger,
something better.
but today... today. today.


identity crisis much?

i forgot to mention one line my mom used to say to me that if i have daughters i will most definitely use-
"it hurts to be beautiful"
i was mainly told this in the mornings when my hair was being curled, brushed, braided, blow-dried, and probably anytime my mom was touching my hair. man, i'm such a whiner.  well... my hair is doing the whining these days.

my hair said to me today, "who am i." i didn't have a response.  my hair has been in an identity crisis since it was 15 years of age. that's a looooong crisis. poor baby. so i've made a decision (as i've done many times before) but i feel the need to document this one so i will actually stick to it.  i want to give a gift to my hair. i want to give it its identity back. no more bleach, no more dye. however, to accomplish this gianormous task of growing out my natural color completely means the hair will lose one of its identities... its length. but seriously... the fastest way to get the color out is to cut it out!! ahhhhhh. i had a bob slash some sort of pixie cut all growing up and let me tell you, it never looked good. so some big decisions will need to be made in the coming months. i know this is incredibly in advance but oh well, you and me and the little locks can consider themselves warned.


is it time? no i don't think it's time. not yet.

you know how older people always say "my mother always said.." or "my dad always told me.." well i have a few things my parents used to say to me that i know i will say to my children-

"don't get wise bubble eyes, understand rubberband, cause i'm the boss apple sauce."
"i give you the moon and you want the stars"
"what did you learn today"
"good night, sleep tight, wake up bright, choose the right with all your might, and don't let the bed bugs bite"
"you don't deserve anything; everything you receive you've either earned or is a gift"

and most importantly,
"i love you"


procrastination's a strong he-man with a club

i typically skip my morning class on mondays and wednesdays.  i do go on occasion. today was not one of those days.  because i have some rather important homework for my 1 o'clock class that i didn't quite finish over my nice long weekend. so i should be doing that right now. alas, i am here, in my happy place.
ok so i went and saw ingrid michaelson on saturday. holy amazing. i love her. she is a fabulous performer. sounds AMAZING live, very interactive with the audience, and just an all around gem. it was inspirational. and seeing as i have finished quite a few songs of my own, i'm thinking its about time i started performing a few of them. open mic night, here i come.
as great as the show was, it was a little difficult. her first album, girls and boys, i associate with a time in my life when i listened to this album day in and day out. it was two years ago. i was a sophomore in college, in love with a man i was dating long distance, but even though we were apart, that love grew everyday. hearing these songs again, and live, so full of emotion, made me miss him, made me hurt again.
bleh. sorry. i feel like this has been coming up alot lately.  but i've been feeling it alot lately.  it is probably not wise to read the journal entries from the months of the demise of that relationship. but they are just so beautifully depressing.  i'm so glad that i captured those raw, true feelings in writing. whatever i was supposed to learn from that experience (since i'm still learning and growing) i'll always have that reference and i won't ever forget. and hopefully, that reminder will make me better, stronger, (harder, faster... hah. j.kid. that was daft punk reference just to clear up any confusion for those of you thinking i wanted to build muscle and run quicker... man i loved that song freshman year. looooved it.)
i'ma thinking i should listen to it right now. maybe it will help me gain some inspiration for the position statements i should be writing. annnd break!

p.s. i am not liking any of my font options these days. sooo i may be playing around with code coming up here in the future. you have been warned


she wasn't angry, maybe possessed. either way sorry about the pumpkin guts

so i was cleaning my room the other day and the tv was on. a commercial for an antidepression drug came on. you know the one, it has that sad soft music playing in the background, that concerned woman's voice asking you if you're feeling sad, or alone. her voice is so full of empathy you just want to sob into her shoulder. and i'm thinking, anyone who wasn't already depressed is now officially melancholy. good work antidepressant drug commercial. good work.

annnd moving on.. i got my very first credit card in the mail today. welcome to adulthood rebecca. so now i'm nervous that just by having it in my wallet i'm all of the sudden going to have debt and interest rates gouging me for all of my hard earned money. (ok maybe not that hard earned seeing as i am writing this while sitting at work) but let's be honest, my parents have taught me well. i promise to not spend any money i don't have. you are all my witnesses. 

which reminds me of the time when i was 9(?) years old and i wrote on the back of an envelope, "i promise to not be a brat when i'm a teenager" and i gave it to my mom. yeeeaaahhh, that worked out well. j.kid j.kid. my mom and i are best friends. hi mom!

um, have you ever felt like you were stuck in a rut? yeah, that's what i thought. the thing is i'm happy, enjoying life, learning, experiencing, living, but something feels stuck. and i know what it is. and i know what i should do to get out of it. but it's a rut. and it's not easy to get out of. gah. i just need to DO IT. and stop planning on it, but just do it. so wish me luck!

in conclusion, go cougars, go ingrid, go to church, go family, go on a walk, go go go.


we should have warned you, avoid those boys and strategically sit in front of these ones in sunday school

if i had more money, wait, scratch that, if i spent my money more frivolously, there are ALOT of shows i would really really really really want to go to. but instead, i'm just spending all day long listening to ingrid's newest album. i recommend you take a listen.
if i spent my money more frivolously, wait, scratch that again, if i spent my money on a whim or even a delayed whim, i would purchase a new perfume.  i found one. that i love. and i want this smell to represent me. so every time someone smells it they go "mm. rebecca." like pavlov's dog. they'll be trained to think of me. well now that i've successfully sounded pretentious and self-centered... moving on! oh wait, there was a point to all that. and that is i can't justify buying a new perfume until i run out of my current perfume. which i've had for a really long time. cause i'm not much of a perfume wearer. but lately i've been spraying the bottle quite a bit... excessively even, just so that it will run out sooner, so i can buy my new identity. i know i know, this is a brilliant plan.

holy tangent. this is not even what i was planning on discussing with you today. sooo i guess my other thoughts can be saved for another day, another time, another era. ramble. i'm rambling.



really i'm fine

so i am currently sitting in a hospital bed. smartest thing i've ever done, hands down, is bring my laptop with me to the er.  i haven't been feeling great and alot of my symptoms pointed to something potentially more serious than the common flu. i think my dr. dad found peace of mind in sending me off to the local hospital since he can only do so much two states away. anywho, i'll keep you all posted. i'm sure its nothing.

edit: oh i love it when i'm right. nothing to see here folks. nothing exciting and surgical. guess i won't become the next madeline anytime soon. boy i loved that doll. maybe i'll be her for halloween. so yeah, just a virus. hopefully it will be gone soon. loooves!


you're awful, i'm awful, we're all just full of awe

i'd like to tell you all a little bit about myself. ahem. ok. i love to bake. anything. seriously. give me a recipe and i'll bake it. (no really, do it. i'm always looking for yummy new recipes).  i don't like flared nostrils. this is stemmed from watching fiddler on the roof (with heidi lynn) waaay back in the day. the third daughter who wasn't very cute would always flare her nostrils when she was singing. it bothered me.  i fill my car up with gas as soon as it hits the 1/4 of a tank left mark. i don't like letting it drop below that line. i feel like my car will putt to a stop at any moment. i don't like it when people get angry over things they shouldn't. like road rage. or bad calls in intramural games.

this one requires its own paragraph:
i love music. and it is a dream of mine to be able to sing my own songs for a crowd, and people can hear my music and relate and understand and feel something... anything... (other than 'holy yuck, that was terrible'.... but if they do. so be it. i didn't write it for them, i wrote it for me). writing and singing songs is my escape.  it is the place i can say the things i really want to say. its honest. and music moves me. and words. good words. so even though i may not a have a crowd anytime soon, i'll just keep writing, and keep singing, and keep feeling. and keep listening to things that inspire me. which is not only other artists, but people's situations, and things they say. (yeah people. i've used you. don't sweat it)
mmmk. and that, my friends, is what we in the business like to call a nutshell


sorry i parked so close, but my car just wanted to cop a feel

the other day i had the most intense craving for scallion pancakes from ollie's. a family favorite restaurant in ny we frequented often when we were living in connecticut. the truly sad thing about this is that for years my picky eating little kid self would scamper across the street with my dad to the stand on the other side and get a hot dog that had been sitting in warm water all day and pass on the delicious chinese food since it was far too advanced for my taste buds. oh young self you had so much to learn.

also i want to go to a show. oh the memories of standing in this forever long line. i would like to live in this city. for a little while anyway.
lately another craving of mine is to stay in a fancy hotel, so maybe a more feasible trip to vegas is in order.
the scallion pancakes will just have to wait.

happy weekend lovers


someone call the wambulance off

i won't be needing them
cause i'm feeling peachy keen
and not stressed
and who really needs boys anyway.
i got girls. good ones.
and school, which i love
and i love my outfit today.
and that makes me happy
and so does dance therapy. 
thank goodness for tuesdays
is this hurting anyone's eyes?
did you even read it all in the right order?
whatever. this is only because i didn't want that
depressing post to be number one
and now its not.
mission accomplished

let the cat out of the suffocating bag

yeah its old but... 
Sitting in restaurants
Thought we were so grown up
But I know now that we were not the people
That we turned out to be

Chatting on the phone
Can't take back those hours
But I won't regret
'Cause you can grow flowers
From where dirt used to be

Dancing at discos
Eating cheese on toast
Yeah you make me merry make me very very happy
But you obviously, you didn't want to stick around
So I learnt from you

I can be alone, yeah
I can watch a sunset on my own
I can be alone

I can watch a sunset on my own
(kate nash)

in his defense, it's not that he didn't want to be with me, it's that he couldn't be with me living the life he saw himself leading, knowing the life i was committed to. either way, i need to remind myself i CAN be alone. especially right now. i need that reminder alot.  cause i don't want to be alone. one of the clients we are working with in one of my advertising classes is a wedding photographer. so we spend alot of time talking to and about girls who are about to get married, their plans, married girls in the class share their experiences, the photographer talks about weddings. weddings weddings weddings marriage love love marriage. my head may just explode.
i don't find myself yearning for what was but what is to come. but i'm impatient, and i want it now. and i can't have it now. however, i am excited about planning again. i'm just missing one piece of the puzzle. and i feel as though i'll have to be even more patient to find a guy good enough to accept me in spite of this little situation of mine.

also, my dad hasn't been feeling well at all lately. it could be any number of things- his body rejecting his new heart, the medicines he's on, the amyloidosis... anyway, its scary, i don't like being away from my family at times like these. i worry for my dad. i worry for my mom. i worry for my sister. 

all in all, i haven't cried in awhile. i feel it coming. it'll be good for me though when it does happen. i need some good catharsis. 

note: this was written last night
note2: last night i thought it smelled like christmas outside, really it just smelled like smoke. claire said it smelled like drugs
note3: i LOVE not wearing make up, cause then i can rub my eyes all i want
note4: mom, i'm fine. no need to worry


since we all know this is why you're here

it's that time of month again. my random thoughts. i am currently sitting in my comms 406 class- media and the first amendment. so naturally i will spend this class on my puter. 

first of all, this weekend was delightful.  general conference feels like a vacation. we [claire, lindsay and i] stayed comfy, ate yummy food, and enjoyed naps and good movies. {in other news, conference was wonderful. elder holland's talk. wow}

secondly, can i just say that i love starting my classes at byu with a prayer. its a wonderful reminder that contrary to popular belief, there are many very different people here at byu with many different backgrounds, yet what we do share is our religion, our core beliefs and guiding values.

numero tres, goodbye 4 days of fall... hello 3 years of winter. sheesh it's cold out. and this is sad, because the weather back home {in lincoln, ca} in the fall is a fabulous time of year with cool sunny weather, cute light jackets, and trips to apple hill. however, provo didn't seem to get this lovely autumn memo from good ole ca, and here we have snow in the mountains, pounding rain, and chilling wind. though knowing utah's sporadic weather, we may still get to enjoy some hours of fall here and there.

four: lindsay is a good roommate and set claire and i up with a last.fm account. and now my music will be scrobbled or bobbled, or fobbled and organized. according to them, the top artist i listen to on my computer is regina, followed by dave barnes. however, this will probably change when i hook my ipod up and it takes that into account.  anyway, be my friend. i only have 2. and then we can be fun loving music buddies.

7-2, i think we are going to be good friends:

ix say, my toosh hurts. i've been sitting on hard things too long today.

las7tly, this was boring. you must be bored. if the boredom didn't prevent you from continuing to read this and you made it all the way down here i'm sorry for the boring nature of this boreful post. what is that you say? you're not bored? well, you are kind, and a terrible liar, because i'm bored. so yeah. as long as we're all in agreement. i'll do better next time. i promise.


late night wanderings down memory lane

when i was four:
  • my nightgown was a daddy-sized shirt with a bladder on it
  • my upside-down trike was an ice cream machine
  • every monday night we had family home believaning
  • my best friend's number was 542-0772
  • i wanted a dog (they say they're man's best friend) but i got a sister (which truly is a girl's best friend)
  • i had a dream i got a doll and put it in the closet for safekeeping, but when i woke up and went to get her, she was gone
  • i went to the top of the arch
  • i accomplished my most heroic act of being lifted through an open window to unlock the front door so my mom could get a spare key to unlock her car to save my sister who was trapped inside (this may have been a dream though... but i remember it very vividly) 
  • i was a blond with a crooked smile
what do you remember?


cute to boot


"are you afraid of birds or something? well whatever
the case, it was cute. do you live on N7th too? We 
could hang out."

i love these paintings by sophie blackall. they are her interpretation of people's postings on craigslist's missed connections section, where people can reach out to strangers they came in contact with.  as an aspiring copywriter in the advertising world, i'm a sucker for artwork with good copy. it moves me in ways paintings don't on their own.

shame on us

why do we allow ourselves to listen to incredibly poorly written songs. oh right, the beat is catchy. i'm guilty, you're guilty. but honestly people, we've got to pull it together. no more supporting this insult to our intelligence. ok? ok.

let's just look at a few examples, shall we?

jordin sparks- "one step at a time, there's no need to rush, it's like learning to fly, or falling in love."
yeah, last time i learned how to fly that proved to be really difficult. the whole, lack of wings thing, oh and gravity.  my sister and i tried replacing this verb so it made a bit more sense, but we decided it was just as preposterous to "learn how to cry," or "hide." maybe ms. sparks's songwriters should "learn how to rhyme." 

and then there was this little gem.

black eyed peas- "i spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you, every single day yes i'm really missin missin you, and all those things we used to used to used to do, hey girl wuz up wuz up wuz up wuz up."
ok, seriously this is this is this is just absurd. i'm at a loss for words. i don't even even know. i'll just keep repeating peating words to fill up space. is it working? am i tricking you? phew... i think that was a success.